Writing confidence can ebb and flow depending on what’s happening in your life. I was setting goals and happily creating and then kapow. It all stopped. Losing Elmo my little dog really threw me because no matter what was happening with my writing I shared the journey with him. He was my sidekick. I became lost without him. I was slowly feeling my way back when kapow again. Covid struck. You would think being in isolation would be a productive thing. I learnt that sometimes you need to surrender and be in the moment so that is what I have been doing. No writing.
I’m lucky to check my emails. Instead of feeling guilty I see the rest as something I need to have and to be patient. Being patient is not one of my strong points but hey I am learning. I have a pitch to write and my mind is blank. New creative ideas have flown the coop. I have discovered television again, which is surprising because for a long time I hated it. I couldn’t even stand the noise of the television. I have surrendered and I’m so surprised to discover that I am happy to watch the footy.
Being sick has changed me, and so I am hoping when my writing mojo returns that my new way of looking at the world will rub off. I am finding being in the moment so rewarding and even small things make me super happy. The sunshine this week has made the lockdown pleasant and I even jumped in the pool to try and get out of the funk of not doing anything. I guess my message is to let go of creative guilt. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that it will return once I have recovered.
I did revisit a draft I have written and I was surprised. I thought wow, I wrote that and it really is good. At the moment I have no idea how to make it better but it’s darn good writing. The title is No Tigers Here and guess what? The tigers have disappeared. I understand that illness can steal your confidence if you let it. But I won't.